Goth Living

dark disneyland?

2007-05-25T15:29:38Z

today the ny times ran an article about new ways cemeteries are going about raising money for badly needed restorations and upkeep. the term 'destination necropolises' was used—i'll definitely be working that one into the vernacular.

bird-watching lectures, dog parades, pin-up calendars (the reality being disappointingly inferior to the version in my head), and titanic-themed brunches are among the types of events cemeteries are employing to bring in the fundage. but is it disrespectful to the, uh, permanent residents and what can easily be called a sacred space, or is it a creative way to draw attention (and cash) to historic spaces that need it? what do you think?

personally, i think they should reconsider the marketing of real estate right around cemeteries—because when the zombies decide to attack en masse, that first line of humanity will never know what hit it, leaving them happily gnawing on brains while the rest of the world runs about in a panic. why do you think i live a femur's-throw away from the green-wood cemetery in brooklyn? braaaaiiiins.

-chris

may violets

2007-05-22T15:43:53Z

i'm willing to wager my best 26-sided die that i'm not the only one here slightly obsessed with purple. (i don't really have one of those...really, i don't. well, not anymore, anyway.) and why shouldn't i be? it's quite a lovely, brooding member of the spectrum. so, when i came across something called "purple sushi rice" on a trip to arkansas a while back, naturally i was intrigued and excited (this may also have stemmed from the fact that there ain't a whole lot to do in arkansas, making unusual rice a highlight).

i finally got around to cooking some of it over the weekend, because the cooking instructions given me with the rice were simply, "soak for 3 hours, then steam for 30 minutes"—not really a 30-minute meal, if you catch my drift. so in some water goes the rice, and off i go to contemplate the abita restoration ale i've just purchased (brewed in louisiana, and i swear i didn't buy it because the labels are purple and green. i swear.) about 20 minutes later, i see this:

holy purplyness, batman!

then, after 3 hours of playing with the pretty purple water, i steamed the rice and got this:

and how freaking cool is that?! now i kinda want some black plates to eat it off of.

-chris

crossing paths with black

2007-05-15T16:17:21Z

let's hope it's good luck. i was walking around in soho last week (not on broadway because the temptation to take a huge stick to the crush of inhumanly slow walkers is way, way too tempting) and was pleasantly surprised when i crossed paths with voltaire. i spotted the gleaming white skull on his sweater half a block away. i remember reading a story about how he was profiled in an airport for that sweater, and it made me ponder for a moment how an airport security guard greeted the skully sweater with questions, a beepy metal detector, and a potential body cavity search—all for a knitted skull. when i saw it, though, it made me smile and want to follow him around on his errands (i'm sure he was doing spectacularly spooky and macabre deeds with, like, lots of cobwebs and things, unlike me who was just doing...stuff).

it reminded me that there's still a lot of crappy bias out there, and lots of people that might hate you for stupid, superficial reasons, or for seemingly no reason at all. i hadn't really forgotten, but i was reminded to keep trying not to make snap judgments about people, and to not judge others' life choices, especially when they're very different from my own and i think i'm in the right.

it also reminded me to get on knitting that sweater, the one with the little skulls on the elbows...you know, like corduroy elbow patches, but skulls. it's gonna be awesome, just you wait.

-chris

the stuff of myths

2007-04-27T19:43:14Z

it's true, i've been remiss in my postings—and for that, dear reader, i apologize. i have naught but ennui to blame. however, there are some things that are just too awesome, too inexplicable to ignore; it is one of these mysteries of the universe that has led—nay, forced—me to write again.

i was at the gym today when i saw it. perhaps that is its natural habitat; i can't be sure. there are many hoodies to be found at the gym, but this was something completely different. this was...

the corset hoodie.

yes, i actually saw a black hoodie laced like a corset up the back. a hoodie with a hood. not only did this atrocity have a hood, it was cropped like a shrug AND embroidered. it might have said "abercrombie" or "old navy" acoss the front. i can't tell because i temporarily lost the ability to read once i saw it. i think there might have been a butterfly or flower involved...but again, i just don't know. my eyes are still burning a little. and i'm not even going to go into the fact that a corset hoodie defeats the purpose of BOTH a hoodie (warmth and comfort) AND a corset (rib resculpting), thereby rendering it a completely useless garment (unless you consider the fact that i did a mental check to see if there was a reason for me to be hallucinating a use). i am not what you would consider "fashion forward," but i am pretty sure that this a grave, grave mistake. if i am wrong, please correct me.

and then i turned my back for a second and it was gone. was it ever really there? i don't know. was it simply the product of my stress-addled brain? perhaps. i liken this experience to seeing a jackalope or a chimera. the world is full of strange, wonderful, mythic, and terrifying things—you can choose to believe that they exist or not, but nothing is ever outside the realm of possibility.

-chris

as long as there aren't any clowns, we're good.

2007-04-13T15:14:06Z

happy friday the 13th!

really, there should be a lot more fanfare when this happens. at the very least there should be parades—ooh, or maybe parties on the 13th floor of buildings that actually have a 13th floor...i don't think that's too much to ask, do you?

-chris

merriam-gothster

2007-04-10T16:34:25Z

i'm beginning to suspect that my dictionary is trying to tell me something.

when i open it (which is pretty often in my line o' work), it falls open to this page about 60% of the time (the other 40% it opens to the page headed with the word "satanist," but there's a fold in that page so i can't quite fault it for that one). and since my photography skills with the camera in my computer seem to only produce pictures of loch-ness-monster-proof quality, here's the definition:

living death (n): life emptied of joys and satisfactions

perhaps it's just telling me how i feel when i'm at work. perceptive little bugger, that merriam-webster.

-chris

ding, ding! round 1.

2007-04-04T22:09:16Z

i like to think that, for the most part, goths are peaceful creatures. i'd like to believe that humans in general are peace-loving, but since this is obviously grossly untrue, i'm willing to let it go.

and so, as this scene unfolded late last saturday night on the subway shows, i appear to also be a tad mistaken on that first count. i was waiting for what ended up being public transportation vehicle number 4 out of 6 standing between me and home (transatlantic flight not included) and had dragged way too much luggage up and down way too many stairs—needless to say, i wasn't at my best. i usually ignore scuffles and fights on the train (see pacifist tendencies, above) but when i heard, 'aww, man! that skinny british dude is going to get it!' my interest was piqued.

lo and behold, at the other end of the platform was a sight that could only end badly: skinny goth guy yelling at hugely muscled guy with lots of muscles. i don't know what had started the fight, but both parties were getting pretty heated and it wasn't long before brown leather sport coats, half-capes with red silk lining, black bowler hats, strappy buckles, and gaudy rolexes were being removed to facilitate the inevitable fight. this made me cringe all the more, as it revealed even more muscles on the muscle-y guy, and less overall substance on the goth (he was probably 140 lbs soaking wet and with all of his dead can dance cds strapped to him). nasty epithets, punches, and kicks were thrown (by the musclehead) and arms and legs were flailed (by the goth). the goth hit the floor, the police were *finally* called, and the fight was broken up.

i'm not quite sure who won in the end (the muscle was questioned by the cops and the goth walked away), but i do feel like i lost a little of my gothy innocence. sigh.

-chris

Video of the Week!

2007-04-02T21:26:21Z

A Hard Day's Night of the Living Dead

Jen

Video of the Week!

2007-03-19T12:55:08Z

Video of the Week! is tired of doing all the work. Post your own in the comments.

Have a nice day.

Jen

Lestat for President!

2007-03-14T11:43:07Z

The American Secret Service is all in a tizzy after 2008 presidential candidate Jonathon 'The Impaler' Sharkey--a self-described satanic vampire--pledged one of his first acts as president would be to impale President Bush.

From legal expert Neil Richards of Washington University in St. Louis: 'I guess the question is, if he's a vampire, why is he the one staking people? Shouldn't he want to bite the president and feed on him?' added Richards, describing these questions as 'perhaps further evidence that this is not a true threat.'

Or perhaps Sharkey simply recognizes Bush for what he his: Dick Cheney's undead meat puppet. Looks like I'm voting third party this election season.

Jen

Video of the Week!

2007-03-12T13:04:44Z

Star Trek in Camelot

Jean-Luc wouldn't be caught dead in this.

Jen

a bender, illustrated style

2007-03-08T17:17:24Z

in an attempt to make myself feel smarter, i started going back to the public library (it doesn't hurt that the branch nearest to my office is in a renovated church, with stained glass windows and twisty stone steps and arched doorways and other lovely churchy bits). and i definitely feel smarter now, especially since i found those two shelves in the corner that house the comic books. in a fit of intellectual delight, i immediately scooped up these titles and set out on the road to mensa:

the wolves in the walls (neil and dave): a most excellent bedtime story, especially when read aloud. i'm sure everyone knows this already, i'm just reiterating.

the comical tragedy or tragical comedy of mr. punch (neil and dave): a beautiful thing to look at, to be sure, but murderous puppets, much like murderous clowns, give me the heebie-jeebies.

marvel 1602 (neil and andy kubert): take a big chunk of the marvel comic world and toss it into a 17th century with some serious end-of-this-and-all-other-worlds issues, and you'll end up with things like a mild-mannered peter parquagh who's got a strange obsession with spiders and a carlos javier who runs the 'college for the sons of gentlefolk.' and don't forget the 'four from the fantastick'...brilliant.

the age of bronze, v. 2: sacrifice (eric shanower): yes, it's a historically accurate graphic novel about the trojan war. shut up, it's cool.

lovecraft (adapted by keith griffen, illustrated by enrique breccia): the big h. p. was writing to tell the you the truth—the madness! the horror! the tentacles! it's all reeeeal...oh yes, and the old ones are coming for you. slimy.

a distant soil, v. 2: the ascendant (colleen doran): besides picking up this story a volume too late and not having a fracking clue what was going on, this was possibly one of the most feytastic things i have ever read. and that's saying a lot, coming from me.

the dark horse book of witchcraft (mike mignola, gary gianni, tony millionaire, and jill thompson): lots of people stared at me on the train while i was reading this one. that was fun. boo! haha.

serenity rose, v. 1: working through the negativity (aaron a.): and speaking of witchcraft, it's a goth lesbian witch who conjures ectoplasmic ponies, flies, eats mainly gummi worms, and wears goggles 24/7. i love it when i see myself reflected, don't you?

yeah, so i went on a little bit of a comics bender. i heart the library. and apparently, someone at the library also hearts neil gaiman.

chris

Video of the Week!

2007-03-05T10:25:56Z

We here at Goth Living like to think we're learned types, so here's a lesson in American history to start your week.

To know George is to love George.

Jen

Nightmares

2007-03-02T15:58:34Z

I've been doing quite a bit of research on ghost stories lately, and there is surprisingly little material. Everyone reads them, but no one wants to talk about them. Sound familiar? Yep, it's exactly like having nightmares about breath-sucking fiends sitting on your chest. I personally have never had a nightmare, but still.

Peter Penzoldt, in his slightly dickish book The Supernatural in Fiction (1952), sheds some much-needed light on the subject of bad dreams and supernatural visions:

'Most visions of ghostly apparitions are attributed to nightmares. Of all dreams the nightmare is the one that reveals least of the subconscious. It comes as a result of indigestion and heavy breathing caused by the pressure of the colon against heart and lungs.... As the nightmare usually occurs in the very instant of awakening it is often mistaken for an objective vision.' (p. 31)

That's right, my friends; ghosts and nightmares do not exist as a manifestation of dark forces separate from but inextricably linked to human temporality, forces only the sensitive few are able to glimpse on lonely roads and in stark dreams. They're manifestations all right, but of the pastrami on rye you ate fifteen minutes before bedtime, because now your engorged colon is suffocating your fat ass and those dreams are just your clogged arteries crying for help. That's the definition of the nightmare, and by extension ghostly experiences, courtesy of Dr Pete.*

But I have a different explanation for nightmares and supernatural occurrences: Cats. Stephen King almost got it, but passed the buck to the little troll thing at the last minute and made the demon cat out to look like some kind of hero, which I consider criminal in light of the current statistics concerning cat-on-human violence. Cats sit on your chest, crush your organs, steal your breath, and use it to kill babies so they can be taken back to the Cat Dimension and eaten without Jesus knowing.

Behold the face of True Evil. His name is Ollie.

Jen

*Dr Pete is not a medical doctor. He may not even like being called Pete.

put down the burton and the elfman and back away slowly

2007-02-28T21:47:30Z

ok, i can't ignore this anymore, especially now that it's infringing on my home turf of brooklyn.

my momma told me never to dance with scissors in a singing-free musical, your momma told you never to dance with scissors in a singing-free musical, pretty much everyone's momma has told everyone never to dance with scissors in a singing-free musical...but these guys just didn't listen to their mommas, did they? tsk, tsk.

chris

Video of the Week!

2007-02-26T11:43:32Z

Chad Vader: Day Shift Manager

Sometimes I feel like Darth Vader's less talented younger sibling. Sigh.

Jen

Finally . . . a Pedia We Can Trust

2007-02-24T11:27:54Z

Conservapedia is a much-needed alternative to Wikipedia, which is increasingly anti-Christian and anti-American. On Wikipedia, many of the dates are provided in the anti-Christian "C.E." instead of "A.D.", which Conservapedia uses.

Sample Entry: Lamarck

Jean Baptiste Lamarck was the first scientist to come up with the idea of evolution (though a different version than Darwin's). Lamarck suggested that giraffes got long necks by stretching to reach trees, when clearly they got long necks because God wanted them to be long. Lamarck is now an object of derision amongst scientists, much like Darwin will be in a year or two.

Conservapedia. Click and despair.

Jen

a public service announcement

2007-02-20T21:08:14Z

i set myself upon a fairly simple task last night: dye hair black. seems easy, right? no big deal. but lately i've been trying to eat more organic, non-processed food, use less scary chemicals, and all that good stuff. so i said to myself, 'self? why not extend this to hair dye? let's use black henna.' oh, hahaha, self—you're a rascally little ego, aren't you.

see, black henna doesn't dye your hair black. it dyes your hair NOTHING. i mean, i went from reddish brown to Reddish Brown, if anything. oh sure, it's staining all my towels green, but there's not a lick of black to be seen anywhere (i'd take green hair, though...note to self: contemplate dyeing hair green).

but here's what really sticks in my craw: of all the colors to pick from, i'd say black occurs fairly often in nature. in fact, i'd say black happens a whole lot. so why, oh why, is it so hard for nature to bestow raven locks upon me? am i asking too much?

i tried black henna once before, a few months ago, to the same effect (or lack thereof). perhaps i'm just a glutton for punishment, or perhaps i'm harboring a secret desire to have my head smell like dirt. either way, now i'm headed straight for the manic panic, and you can't stop me. although why you would, i'm not entirely sure. but still.

chris

Video of the Week!

2007-02-19T11:30:11Z

I am so, so sorry. I just couldn't help it.

Jen

the benefits of constitutionals

2007-02-16T21:12:59Z

i take a constitutional almost every day because if i were to remain in my office for the entire span of a workday i would, in fact, go insane. today's took me down a few blocks i don't often visit, and one in particular made me happy because i (re)found this:

(disclaimer: i did not take this picture. you can tell by the suspiciously green tree—right now all we have in new york is dingy grey slush and the only green thing on the island is starbucks.)

it's the third cemetery of the spanish-portuguese synagogue, shearith israel (ca. 1829) and i love it. it's tiny and unassuming, crowded on all sides by looming luxury condos on an otherwise-humdrum block (21st street between 6th and 7th avenues), but still holding its own. it's one of those things that you don't even see until you're upon it, and i always forget it's there so it surprises me every time. it has all the necessary hallmarks of an old cemetery—weatherbeaten and crooked headstones, gnarled trees, uneven ground, perplexing symbolic sculpture, the untouched detritus of decades or even centuries—and it feeds my unending need to ponder old and dusty bits of history as well as my love affair with old cemeteries.

and in a city where very few things are allowed to get old, it's a lovely reminder that there is indeed a rich history here. and it could kick starbucks's ass.

chris

i'm ignoring you, valentine's day, so don't try anything funny.

2007-02-14T22:43:00Z

instead, i'm reading about how to best dress for winter yet still remain safe while prancing about in traffic.

chris

in defense of watching more tv

2007-02-12T21:10:34Z

so a new adaptation of bram stoker's dracula aired last night on pbs's masterpiece theatre. naturally, i was quite sad to have missed this (i'dve surely been glued to public television had i known), and spent a fair amount of time today wondering if seeing shakira perform on the grammys was time better spent (the jury's still out on this due to shakira's incredible hotness. and i'm impervious to your mocking me about it because she's too hot for me to care.)

however, what i didn't know until today is what 'adaptation' meant: this time around, a rumor's about that the dark prince might have the cure for syphilis, and everyone wants it, especially those considerate gentlemen who don't want to share the nasty with their fianceés. well, we all know how the story goes, but i'll admit i'm a little stuck on this syphilis thing. sure, it's speculated that stoker had the syph and it was crazily rampant at the time and the story is chock-full of sexual (not so under)tones, but the count's got the cure? interesting take.

see, it just goes to show you: if you go around persecuting people, stabbing them through the heart, and generally being unnecessarily mean, then they won't ever share things with you—like, say, a cure for syphilis, or maybe a unicorn. and then where would you be? you'd have no friends, your nose would fall off, and you'd have no unicorns.

pbs's dracula is airing next sunday at 4am, and if i could set my tv to record with my mind, i'd do it right now.

chris

Made Me Smile on a Rainy Day

2007-02-12T14:46:44Z

From a window in my housing complex

Jen

Video of the Week!

2007-02-12T11:29:18Z

"She's in Parties" by Bauhaus

All I need is a sharp suit, some industrial-strength hairspray, and the rest of the world to acquire back-and-white-only vision. Then I'd be cool.

Jen

It's the Neil Gaiman Magic 8 Ball!

2007-02-09T20:51:31Z

Click the link below and prepare to be astounded. I can personally attest to its effectiveness and mysticalishness. I asked if I would pass my degree, and it wisely answered, 'Have you ever wanted to be in a Stephen King book?'

I think I'll take that as a 'No.'

Batteries Not Included!

Jen