it's true, i've been remiss in my postings—and for that, dear reader, i apologize. i have naught but ennui to blame. however, there are some things that are just too awesome, too inexplicable to ignore; it is one of these mysteries of the universe that has led—nay, forced—me to write again.

i was at the gym today when i saw it. perhaps that is its natural habitat; i can't be sure. there are many hoodies to be found at the gym, but this was something completely different. this was...

the corset hoodie.

yes, i actually saw a black hoodie laced like a corset up the back. a hoodie with a hood. not only did this atrocity have a hood, it was cropped like a shrug AND embroidered. it might have said "abercrombie" or "old navy" acoss the front. i can't tell because i temporarily lost the ability to read once i saw it. i think there might have been a butterfly or flower involved...but again, i just don't know. my eyes are still burning a little. and i'm not even going to go into the fact that a corset hoodie defeats the purpose of BOTH a hoodie (warmth and comfort) AND a corset (rib resculpting), thereby rendering it a completely useless garment (unless you consider the fact that i did a mental check to see if there was a reason for me to be hallucinating a use). i am not what you would consider "fashion forward," but i am pretty sure that this a grave, grave mistake. if i am wrong, please correct me.

and then i turned my back for a second and it was gone. was it ever really there? i don't know. was it simply the product of my stress-addled brain? perhaps. i liken this experience to seeing a jackalope or a chimera. the world is full of strange, wonderful, mythic, and terrifying things—you can choose to believe that they exist or not, but nothing is ever outside the realm of possibility.

-chris

Tags: corsets, jackalopes, useless clothing