today the ny times ran an article about new ways cemeteries are going about raising money for badly needed restorations and upkeep. the term 'destination necropolises' was used—i'll definitely be working that one into the vernacular.

bird-watching lectures, dog parades, pin-up calendars (the reality being disappointingly inferior to the version in my head), and titanic-themed brunches are among the types of events cemeteries are employing to bring in the fundage. but is it disrespectful to the, uh, permanent residents and what can easily be called a sacred space, or is it a creative way to draw attention (and cash) to historic spaces that need it? what do you think?

personally, i think they should reconsider the marketing of real estate right around cemeteries—because when the zombies decide to attack en masse, that first line of humanity will never know what hit it, leaving them happily gnawing on brains while the rest of the world runs about in a panic. why do you think i live a femur's-throw away from the green-wood cemetery in brooklyn? braaaaiiiins.

-chris

Tags: brains, destination necropolises

i'm willing to wager my best 26-sided die that i'm not the only one here slightly obsessed with purple. (i don't really have one of those...really, i don't. well, not anymore, anyway.) and why shouldn't i be? it's quite a lovely, brooding member of the spectrum. so, when i came across something called "purple sushi rice" on a trip to arkansas a while back, naturally i was intrigued and excited (this may also have stemmed from the fact that there ain't a whole lot to do in arkansas, making unusual rice a highlight).

i finally got around to cooking some of it over the weekend, because the cooking instructions given me with the rice were simply, "soak for 3 hours, then steam for 30 minutes"—not really a 30-minute meal, if you catch my drift. so in some water goes the rice, and off i go to contemplate the abita restoration ale i've just purchased (brewed in louisiana, and i swear i didn't buy it because the labels are purple and green. i swear.) about 20 minutes later, i see this:



holy purplyness, batman!

then, after 3 hours of playing with the pretty purple water, i steamed the rice and got this:



and how freaking cool is that?! now i kinda want some black plates to eat it off of.

-chris

Tags: cooking, purple surprise

let's hope it's good luck. i was walking around in soho last week (not on broadway because the temptation to take a huge stick to the crush of inhumanly slow walkers is way, way too tempting) and was pleasantly surprised when i crossed paths with voltaire. i spotted the gleaming white skull on his sweater half a block away. i remember reading a story about how he was profiled in an airport for that sweater, and it made me ponder for a moment how an airport security guard greeted the skully sweater with questions, a beepy metal detector, and a potential body cavity search—all for a knitted skull. when i saw it, though, it made me smile and want to follow him around on his errands (i'm sure he was doing spectacularly spooky and macabre deeds with, like, lots of cobwebs and things, unlike me who was just doing...stuff).

it reminded me that there's still a lot of crappy bias out there, and lots of people that might hate you for stupid, superficial reasons, or for seemingly no reason at all. i hadn't really forgotten, but i was reminded to keep trying not to make snap judgments about people, and to not judge others' life choices, especially when they're very different from my own and i think i'm in the right.

it also reminded me to get on knitting that sweater, the one with the little skulls on the elbows...you know, like corduroy elbow patches, but skulls. it's gonna be awesome, just you wait.

-chris

Tags: elbow patches, skulls, superstitions, voltaire

it's true, i've been remiss in my postings—and for that, dear reader, i apologize. i have naught but ennui to blame. however, there are some things that are just too awesome, too inexplicable to ignore; it is one of these mysteries of the universe that has led—nay, forced—me to write again.

i was at the gym today when i saw it. perhaps that is its natural habitat; i can't be sure. there are many hoodies to be found at the gym, but this was something completely different. this was...

the corset hoodie.

yes, i actually saw a black hoodie laced like a corset up the back. a hoodie with a hood. not only did this atrocity have a hood, it was cropped like a shrug AND embroidered. it might have said "abercrombie" or "old navy" acoss the front. i can't tell because i temporarily lost the ability to read once i saw it. i think there might have been a butterfly or flower involved...but again, i just don't know. my eyes are still burning a little. and i'm not even going to go into the fact that a corset hoodie defeats the purpose of BOTH a hoodie (warmth and comfort) AND a corset (rib resculpting), thereby rendering it a completely useless garment (unless you consider the fact that i did a mental check to see if there was a reason for me to be hallucinating a use). i am not what you would consider "fashion forward," but i am pretty sure that this a grave, grave mistake. if i am wrong, please correct me.

and then i turned my back for a second and it was gone. was it ever really there? i don't know. was it simply the product of my stress-addled brain? perhaps. i liken this experience to seeing a jackalope or a chimera. the world is full of strange, wonderful, mythic, and terrifying things—you can choose to believe that they exist or not, but nothing is ever outside the realm of possibility.

-chris

Tags: corsets, jackalopes, useless clothing

happy friday the 13th!

really, there should be a lot more fanfare when this happens. at the very least there should be parades—ooh, or maybe parties on the 13th floor of buildings that actually have a 13th floor...i don't think that's too much to ask, do you?

-chris

Tags: 13, anti-clown, parades

i'm beginning to suspect that my dictionary is trying to tell me something.



when i open it (which is pretty often in my line o' work), it falls open to this page about 60% of the time (the other 40% it opens to the page headed with the word "satanist," but there's a fold in that page so i can't quite fault it for that one). and since my photography skills with the camera in my computer seem to only produce pictures of loch-ness-monster-proof quality, here's the definition:

living death (n): life emptied of joys and satisfactions

perhaps it's just telling me how i feel when i'm at work. perceptive little bugger, that merriam-webster.

-chris

Tags: anthropomorphizing dictionaries, living death

i like to think that, for the most part, goths are peaceful creatures. i'd like to believe that humans in general are peace-loving, but since this is obviously grossly untrue, i'm willing to let it go.

and so, as this scene unfolded late last saturday night on the subway shows, i appear to also be a tad mistaken on that first count. i was waiting for what ended up being public transportation vehicle number 4 out of 6 standing between me and home (transatlantic flight not included) and had dragged way too much luggage up and down way too many stairs—needless to say, i wasn't at my best. i usually ignore scuffles and fights on the train (see pacifist tendencies, above) but when i heard, 'aww, man! that skinny british dude is going to get it!' my interest was piqued.

lo and behold, at the other end of the platform was a sight that could only end badly: skinny goth guy yelling at hugely muscled guy with lots of muscles. i don't know what had started the fight, but both parties were getting pretty heated and it wasn't long before brown leather sport coats, half-capes with red silk lining, black bowler hats, strappy buckles, and gaudy rolexes were being removed to facilitate the inevitable fight. this made me cringe all the more, as it revealed even more muscles on the muscle-y guy, and less overall substance on the goth (he was probably 140 lbs soaking wet and with all of his dead can dance cds strapped to him). nasty epithets, punches, and kicks were thrown (by the musclehead) and arms and legs were flailed (by the goth). the goth hit the floor, the police were *finally* called, and the fight was broken up.

i'm not quite sure who won in the end (the muscle was questioned by the cops and the goth walked away), but i do feel like i lost a little of my gothy innocence. sigh.

-chris

Tags: bowler hats, public transportation, why can't we all just get along

A Hard Day's Night of the Living Dead



Jen

Tags: beatles, your mother's music, zombies

Video of the Week! is tired of doing all the work. Post your own in the comments.

Have a nice day.

Jen

Tags: meta-video of the week!

i need some new pants in a bad way. i'm beginning to look ridiculous in what i own, which means that hamster wheel of a treadmill must be doing something. so yesterday i set out on a trouser-locating mission beginning at trash & vaudeville, which has been fueling fashion revolutions, fomenting teenage rebellion, and filling the universe with rubber-spiked bags since time immemorial.

after oohing, aahing, and petting everything i couldn't afford (virtually everything) and trying on many ill-fitting (read: ego-crushing) pairs of pants, i finally settled on an awesome top (thank you, sale rack) and a few choice rockabilly-type items for my girl. sated but still pantless (not actually), i soldiered on.

thinking on my purchase and pushing the rocks around in my head in an attempt at addition, i realized that i had paid too much for all the things i'd gotten. sure enough, my top had been rung up as $46, and not the $19 marked on the tag. grumble. so i turned around and headed back, not wanting to return it but realizing i might have to in order to be able to eat for the rest of the week.

but—joy! the checkout girl (who had been mocking the people checking out before me and—i was assured—had done the same to me after i left the first time) was not only super-nice about the whole thing but, because i had to walk back to the store to fix the problem, gave me another $10 off! sweet.

so thank you, trash & vaudeville, for clothing me cheaply and being so nice about it. may stupid tourists cease to abuse you.

chris

Tags: acts that redeem humanity, fashion, trash & vaudeville